I should certainly hope you're not that inebriated, or I'm going to sober you up before I check you over with that onsen room.

[ Anyway, he'll take a look at his eyes first, ask him to open his mouth, look at his lips, his fingernails. That sort of thing. After a moment, he'll shake his head. He'll take his pulse, too, and check that just to be sure, but... ]

Mister Morris, the only thing you seem to be suffering from is alcohol, unless it's an advanced poison I'm unaware of. But your vitals all seem fine, your pupils show no signs of major disturbance, and I'm not picking up any discoloration or bitter smells.