[His voice is like it would be when reading a prayer, soft but strong. It's taken one of the craziest months of his life to realize those words can - no, not just can, they should apply to anyone, even to him.
"You'll understand when you're old enough." "I don't want to understand! He's dead, what's even there to understand?!"
"There must have been a reason. You have to understand...." "Maybe so... but... I can't even use the power I'm meant to use!"
He's even more powerless here. He's had to find other kinds of strength, he's had to learn to control the anger that kept him going for so long. One moment of true clarity, at Nagisa's hands, had let him see how far he'd fallen. Just because he was well outside a state of grace didn't mean he needed to make it worse and take it out on everyone else. Getting killed in the middle of a reckless rage would serve nothing - and hadn't he had to learn that more than once in these few weeks? He's angry again, now, but not in that aimless way he was before he got here. He's not even angry at Marie - what use is hating the dead, after all? He can't even really hate his own father, now, after all this useless death.
He's furious at a world not his own. He's furious that the same people who would tell children they were acceptable losses would trap someone like Nagisa's teacher in such a way. "They weren't going to let him live, even though... even though we found out he didn't have to die." Those words chilled him when he heard them, and now they serve to fuel a tempering forge. His anger blazes, but he controls it, now. He has to use it to make his words clear, and so he will. A man who cared so much about his students that he'd leave them with volumes of help, every last thing he knew about them, and every thing he thought they'd need once he was gone....]
It's... that book, that's what a... [father, he almost said father, God...] that's what someone who takes care of you when you're young is supposed to leave you with. Maybe not as a book, not as something you can hold in your hands, but if they trapped him like that... you were right, he didn't get a choice, so he had to. No parent wants to outlive their children, and no teacher who's really good at it wants to see their students fail. During the trial, you... you said something about being good for one thing only, but... he believed in you.
So do we. That's why we're both here. We're getting down to the wire, things might still get worse from here, but... if you stumble, we'll catch you and pull you back up. I promise.
no subject
[His voice is like it would be when reading a prayer, soft but strong. It's taken one of the craziest months of his life to realize those words can - no, not just can, they should apply to anyone, even to him.
"You'll understand when you're old enough."
"I don't want to understand! He's dead, what's even there to understand?!"
"There must have been a reason. You have to understand...."
"Maybe so... but... I can't even use the power I'm meant to use!"
He's even more powerless here. He's had to find other kinds of strength, he's had to learn to control the anger that kept him going for so long. One moment of true clarity, at Nagisa's hands, had let him see how far he'd fallen. Just because he was well outside a state of grace didn't mean he needed to make it worse and take it out on everyone else. Getting killed in the middle of a reckless rage would serve nothing - and hadn't he had to learn that more than once in these few weeks? He's angry again, now, but not in that aimless way he was before he got here. He's not even angry at Marie - what use is hating the dead, after all? He can't even really hate his own father, now, after all this useless death.
He's furious at a world not his own. He's furious that the same people who would tell children they were acceptable losses would trap someone like Nagisa's teacher in such a way. "They weren't going to let him live, even though... even though we found out he didn't have to die." Those words chilled him when he heard them, and now they serve to fuel a tempering forge. His anger blazes, but he controls it, now. He has to use it to make his words clear, and so he will. A man who cared so much about his students that he'd leave them with volumes of help, every last thing he knew about them, and every thing he thought they'd need once he was gone....]
It's... that book, that's what a... [father, he almost said father, God...] that's what someone who takes care of you when you're young is supposed to leave you with. Maybe not as a book, not as something you can hold in your hands, but if they trapped him like that... you were right, he didn't get a choice, so he had to. No parent wants to outlive their children, and no teacher who's really good at it wants to see their students fail. During the trial, you... you said something about being good for one thing only, but... he believed in you.
So do we. That's why we're both here. We're getting down to the wire, things might still get worse from here, but... if you stumble, we'll catch you and pull you back up. I promise.