[ Roland blinked a couple of times, much resembling a deer caught in headlights because gosh, how on earth had she managed to get right to the root of how he himself handled things like this? He practically wore his heart on his sleeve and a blinding smile most of the time, looking out for others but never really for himself.

He ran a hand through his hair, and surely at this distance Ritsu could entirely notice his posture isn't held as rigidly upright or strong anymore with one arm resting on the tabletop. As if he was supporting himself against the table with it. ]

It's... harder than it looks. Being strong for others. Remaining a pillar of strength for others to rely on... and some part of me almost feels awful that you get to see me like this.

[ Though it's telling that he is, infact letting his guard down with her. His fingers curled lightly against the table loosely and there's an odd darkness that flashed behind his eyes. ]

I'm used to having control, whether it was where I went or what I did. No vampire would escape Durandal's blade and I kept human lives safe, so seeing so many lives come to an end so easily? Simply put...? It's a failure that weighs on me at every moment.